Today's The Day I Go Up in Flames

[This was originally posted almost a week ago, but Blogger in all its wisdom managed to delete the post at some point this week. Sweet.]

Mega post. There's been a whole lot going on lately.

This past Monday, I finally graduated from college and received my
university diploma. The four years leading up to it seem both very
long and incredibly short at the same time. All the ceremonies were
generally good. Christopher Buckley, author of Thank
You for Smoking was the Class Day speaker and gave a
hilarious, touching, and overall awesome speech, which you
can see the text of here. Many times we graduates were told that
the weekend wasn't really for us, but instead for the parents,
grandparents, and other friends and relatives who had helped us reach
this point in our lives.

I would disagree. Graduation is about the graduates. It is about being
able to look back on the four years you have spent at a university and
being able to see how you have progressed during that time, something
far more suitable to self-examination than to outside observation. It
is about being able to recognize the fact that you are unlikely ever
to be able to live in such immediacy with your closest group of
friends for the rest of your life, but appreciating and mourning this
fact at the same time.

I am not a fan of the cliche sentiment "Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened." Bullshit. I much prefer the Big Lebowski's
(albeit insincere) admonition that "Strong men also cry." I've come to
terms over the past few years with the fact that crying is a natural
part of life. It's idiotic to try to be macho and deny or hide your
emotions. Emotions are what make us human; they are what elicit
sympathy from others and what drive us as people, much as we may try
to control them in an effort to present ourselves as "rational,"
whatever the hell that is. So yes, cry because it's over. Yes, we
should be hopeful and glad for that which lies ahead, but if something
that has ended was truly valuable, than it is only sensible, and it is
only human, to mourn its passing.

What I will miss most about college is my proximity to my friends. I
have come to terms over the past four years with distance from my high
school friends, but somehow with college it feels different. Maybe it
is actually living together. Maybe it is sharing so many more
experiences because every single one of your peers inhabits the same
small area and walks the exact same streets every day, even on
weekends. I know that I will stay in touch with my friends, especially
those with whom I became particularly close in just the past year and
a half and we will always be able to reflect on the crazy, wonderful,
hilarious, sad, wild, angry, joyous, frustrating, etc. times we have
had together, and hopefully will continue to have whenever we meet up.
However, it is time to begin making new memories that we can share
with each other and with which we may continue to enrich each other's
lives through our unique experiences.

I have posted this song by LCD Soundsystem
before, but it continues to resonate for me. Listen to it and reflect
on a time when you had to leave behind a group of people with whom you
felt an incredibly close connection, one that you knew would still
exist, but just never be as close within reach again. When I left
Lisbon last summer, this song was playing in a club and it was all I
could do to fight back the tears. Try to do the same.

LCD Soundsystem - All My Friends [divshare] off of 'Sound of Silver'
Franz Ferdinand - All My Friends (LCD Soundsystem cover) [divshare]


The worst part of the whole graduation/moving out/leaving experience
is saying goodbye to people and honestly not knowing when I will see
them again. I have faith that I will see my close friends again within
the next year, but it is still difficult. I leave for Portugal in a
week for the summer, for which I am incredibly excited, but I do not
know what exactly I will be doing after I come back in either August
or September. Or I may not come back and will head off to Africa
instead. It's daunting, thrilling, scary, and sad at the same time.
For those people about whom I care very deeply, I think the lyrics of
this song sum things up very well. Lifelike has taken Does It Offend You,
Yeah?'s 'Epic Last Song' and made it even more epic and, in my
opinion, more enjoyable. It was one of the staples of my listening
during my last week in New Haven, and graduation day was, to
paraphrase the song, the day my life there went up in flames.

Does It Offend You, Yeah? - Epic Last Song (Lifelike remix) [divshare] original off of 'You Have No Idea What'

Now I am back in Maine for a week, unpacking and packing my life once
again. I've been catching up with friends, trying to do job searching,
trying to keep up with friends from school, trying to prepare for my
travels, and trying to do a million other things. I feel very uprooted
now. I love Maine and I always enjoy coming back here, but today more
than any other time that I have been back here, I felt disconnected. I
was in Portland and wasn't sure what to do, where to go, which streets
were one way or not. Having lived in New Haven for four years and in
the same apartment for two, I felt comfortable there and began to feel
like it was home. Now that is gone, and Maine doesn't feel as much
like home anymore. I will always love spending time in Maine and may
come back here more permanently some day, but for now I think I need
to wander.

Okkervil River - Maine Island Lovers [divshare] off of 'Down The River of Golden Dreams'